Big Rocks and Little Rocks

"It is easy to say 'no' when there is a greater yes"~ Stephen Covey

Do you know the difference between a big rock and a little rock?

That seems like a silly question, but I will confess, sometimes I have a hard time...

As a matter of fact, it's a question that I ask myself ALL THE TIME!

Let me explain.

I wish I could give credit to who I first saw use this illustration, but, I honestly can't remember the first time I heard it. I do remember watching a demonstration of it at church. The pastor brought out a glass jar and several rocks. First, he filled the glass with gravel and sand and explained those represent the many tasks that we do every day. The things people ask of us, all the little extras we fill our life with.

Then he attempted to fit the big rocks into the jar. These represent the things that are important to us in life, our family, goals, the things we value. The problem was that the jar was already so full with the little rocks that the big rocks didn't fit.

The big rocks didn't fit.

Remember those big rocks are the things we consider our priorities, our goals, our purpose.

They didn't fit, because the glass was filled up with all the things that don't matter as much.

When he dumped the jar out and started again, putting the big rocks in first, he was easily able to pour the little rocks in around the big rocks. Just about everything fit in the jar.

But how does this relate to our conversation on boundaries? If you missed it you can read about it here and here. If we do not have our priorities outlined, we are in danger of saying yes or no to the wrong things and that has everything to do with the boundaries we set.

If we don't know what our priorities are, we are in danger of mistaking little rocks for big rocks.

Here is a good example of how that can happen.

I have a client I'm working with who had a bit of a big rock, small rock mix up this past weekend. (She agreed to let me share this story)

She works full time and is trying to grow a business on the side. She is married and has a very busy life. This last weekend she had done several things on her list that needed to get done when her husband asked her to go on a hike.

She looked at the dishes piling up in the sink and at that moment they felt like big rocks.

But when she looked at her husband she realized her dishes were the smallest of rocks and this hike was a boulder.

The hike was a big rock; her relationship comes before household duties.

She ended up choosing the hike and had an amazing time with her husband. They spent time in recreation which filled their souls and recreates their relationship.

I understand how hiking can feel like a small rock, but when you look at it in the bigger context it becomes clear that it is not a small rock at all, but a big relationship building boulder.

When something breathes life into our relationships, it crosses over into big rock territory.

This is why evaluating and asking ourselves questions, is so important to our health and the health of our relationships. It is not always so cut and dry to determine whether something qualifies as a little rock or a big rock.

And honestly, it can get even more complicated when you realize there are some big rocks that just come first. So sitting down and deciding not just what are big rocks, but also ranking them is an important step in being true to our mission and vision.

This leads us back to the quote at the beginning of this post: It's easy to say no to things when you have already thought about what your priorities/boundaries are. When you can ask yourself if what is being asked of you, fits in with the priorities/boundaries you have set in place you begin truly living with purpose.

The best part of knowing what your priorities and boundaries are, is being able to say "yes" to the things that you are meant to do and "no" to the things that are outside your purpose. When you have lax boundaries or say "yes" to things you should say "no" to, you potentially rob yourself of the opportunity to do what serves the mission and vision of your life.

So, here are a few questions everyone should ask themselves:

What are my big rocks?

How would I rank my big rocks?

How does saying yes to this opportunity advance my purpose and goals?

What am I not doing if I say yes to this opportunity?

If I say yes to this opportunity, will it stop me from doing something else that is a priority to me?

If you would like to discuss your priorities and boundaries I'd love to help!